Have you guys ever feel like this?
Have you guys ever been forced to do something you don’t like?
I knew exactly that it would become like this from the beginning. I knew that such a burden is something I need to carry around when I choose things I hate. That’s why I am never really at a random mode when applying for jobs as I know that I will do it for such a long period of time. And when I realize that I don’t like it, I would never commit to doing it wholeheartedly.
So I would say that my current situation is kind of miserable. Feeling uncomfortable, constantly in a bad mood. I only enjoy commuting to the workplace. Everything just becomes a burden, never in one time did I enjoy living it. At one point I really am grateful for what God had given me, which is a job that is hard to get at times like this, you know, pandemic, a crazy competition with super talented and ambitious gen-z. So as a result, day by day I can only tell myself that this too shall pass, the feeling I have. Every single day I always find the reason why I should be grateful for having this kind of job. It shifts each day. Sometimes I could see that this is a very good opportunity for me who is lacking in experience, but sometimes I could feel l don’t belong here, I feel like I deserve much better. Plus, it is not that I upgraded to a better place, I downgraded, seriously. I previously worked, no, I didn’t actually work as I didn’t have any job desc and certainty of becoming an employee there, I was an intern, a process engineer intern in a petrochemical company. I figured out that my previous workplace is the second-largest PP manufacturer in Indonesia with all the facilities to make every employee be contentful working there. Moreover, it fitted my educational background, very chemical engineering. And in a split second, I ended up here. I am truly sorry for those who are dreaming to work in this industry but we are the opposite for job preferences. This industry is not sexy enough for me.
Instead, I still feel blessed for the given opportunity by The Almighty God, and for once again given the chance to learn and dig upon the potential I have. I wish after all this... I don’t think that I can call this hardship, anyway, I wish everything will turn out great when the time comes and I could be free from all this struggling emotion, aamiin.
